Monday, October 18, 2010
In a hectic world where the theme is multi task, when you have not one minute to spare and your blackberry becomes your personal assistant, oftentimes people get lost in their schedules. In this case the solution is easy, clear your plate of some of your activities and schedule more time for yourself. But what happens when the solution is not so easy? What happens when you lose yourself in your relationship and the sole purpose of your life is now consumed around your kids or your mate?
I have heard countless woman cry or express feeling of loneliness when they are in full fledged relationships some even married. The common story is usually that the woman feels neglected by her man and often finds herself waiting for him schedule her in for attention. This gripe is common with both married and single woman in serious relationships. While speaking to a close girlfriend of mine who is married with 4 kids, she confided in me that her husband barely spends any time with her. Between their kids extracurricular activities and their conflicting work schedules, she confessed that they barely see each other let alone spend quality time. "When we are finally home at the same time, he is either watching the sport or he is in the basement hanging with his boys" she said sadly. She is usually taking care of their 2yr old daughter lingering around the house waiting for some quality time.
When I asked her if she ever goes out with her girls or goes out period, she said no. She indicated that she feels guilty leaving her 2yr old daughter and her husband makes her feel guilty as well. I could only shake my head as she told me this because I found it ironic that her husband can chill and hang with his friends without feeling guilty but the minute his wife thinks to do it, she's wrong for even entertaining the thought. Aside from her favorite TV shows my girl has not one hobby. Not one thing that she does just for her outside of her responsibilities as a wife and mother.
Now I know I am by far no expert on relationships but I wonder, why do woman often give up so much of themselves to have a man when that same man manages to multi task and have it all. A woman will give up Friday nights with her girls, her routine workouts, her scheduled spa appointments, her book club, and her community service work she USE to do to just to sit in the house and wait for her man. Meanwhile, her man has his Saturday basketball games, his weekly 2 hours of leisure at the barber shop, his daily workouts at the gym, Thursday night football, Sunday night football, Monday night football and don't forget the days when he wants to hang with the boys PLUS the "time" he needs for himself.
Some woman may claim that by time they finish taking care of the kids or finish work they just want to unwind; But, while that may be fine for you, know that your mate might have a full to do list for the entire week which might not include watching Desperate Housewives reruns with you. Of course a man that loves and cares for you will spend time with you but typically most woman require a lot of attention and if they don't have other areas of interest or activities in their own lives their mate will bare the brunt of their neediness. So ladies I speak from past experience, no matter how tired you are, pop some multi vitamins and make time for yourself. Invest in yourself and make sure you have your own things going on. If you do not have any hobbies find some! Possible hobbies can be: reading, writing, working out, hosting get parties, arts and crafts, cooking, baking, sewing, mentoring, the lists goes on. Hobbies make people interesting, so find something you like and invest in you!!
Posted by BK Vixen Gone MD at 9:20 PM