My Theory

"Forget what you heard, recognize what you see. I know you heard the here's the real me." XoXo

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Be careful What You Write

In the next couple of weeks I expect to post some very exciting news. The beginning of this year I blogged about some of the things I wanted to do and the changes I wanted to make. What I realized is that when you write things down, its almost like writing your future, those things come true.

Two years ago my pastor told me about a Vision Book, where you post pictures or list the things that you envision for yourself. I can honestly say that I have three pages of dreams/wishes that have actually come to past. I believe that this one will be no different.

I am so excited and just want to blurt the news to everyone but I will wait. Be careful of what you wish for in life because those things just might come true so you better be ready. I know I am!

Stay tuned.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Brand Yourself!

In life you will meet those who add value to your life and those who live to see you at your worst. In the midst of these obstacles your strength will always come from knowing who you are and letting no one tell you differently. After deep self reflection I saw some areas in myself I wasn't happy to see. I have always been a confident person. Confident about my looks, my body and my intellect so imagine my surprise when I realized beneath the layers of confidence and borderline conceit lied small traces of weakness and insecurities for my enemies/haters to prey on. I never knew I had such areas and before I knew how to tackle those weaknesses I had to get over the guilt I had for allowing myself to have weakness to begin with.

My mother had raised my siblings and I to be so strong and to not take crap, but after deep evaluation I saw how much crap I had allowed and I don't know what was worst, the hurt I endured from the accumulation of crap or the disappointment in myself for displaying a weakness to begin with. Nonetheless, they say you learn by experience and those are the lessons you will never forget, so I tell you today KNOW YOUR SELF WORTH. When you go on a job interview know that it's not just a great opportunity for you, but choosing you is a great opportunity for them. Treat your friends with love always have their back, but make sure your devotion as a friend is being appreciated and reciprocated because good friends are hard to find. If your girls are always banking on your generosity and support but can never be there for you in your times of need, then you need to find new girls and acquaint yourself with like minded people. When you are selecting a mate in the dating stage if you think you are the Series 7 of all woman, don't allow anyone to treat you any less. This doesn't mean you have to be conceited or think you are better than anyone it simply means you know your worth and your only interested in those who can appreciate you and treat you accordingly. If someone is only going to take away from you instead of adding to you...loose them quickly or else you will loose you.

This concept of self worth is nothing new we heard it all before. Except today I take it a step further and I say identify yourself with a brand and brand yourself. Harry Winston is one of the worlds most lavish diamond stores. There are very few Harry Winston stores and by no means does Mr. Winston specialize in sales and bargains. Mr. Winston does not question why more people go into Kay's and Jareds. Mr. Winston undoubtedly knows that his diamonds are top of the line and that very few people know fabulosity to that degree let alone have the means to afford it.

I encourage you all to brand yourself. Make a custom made label with directions and care for instructions as well. If people can't care for you per your instructions DELETE them from your life. And while this may sound harsh, which is worse standing up for yourself and deleting someone who mistreats you or siting back and watching yourself get mistreated? Know your worth, I do!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Ex Factors

The other day I received a Facebook message from one of my ex's. It read "Hey, haven't heard from you in a while how are you?" A while to be exact is 3 years and to answer the question I am doing GREAT. Its funny when you THINK your in love, you have a false reality of your emotions a false reality of what is, but once you come to your senses, once you had a chance to detox and get back to who you are you thank God for the lessons learned and you move on better equipped than you ever were before.

As we get older it becomes more and more evident that people are temporary. Many will come even more will go but there are seasons in life and everyone is not meant to be in your life forever. The Ex that sent me a Facebook message has served his purpose. There is no need for me to respond with small talk and pleasantries. I harbor not one ounce of bad will for him BUT once I realize someones purpose and I am clear on what role that person was designed to play in my life, I can and will keep it moving and never look back.

Ironically, a few days later I saw a photo of a more recent ex on facebook, he is now married with 2 kids and a baby on the way. While it was weird seeing someone I once loved and cared for all grown up and married, I can honestly say I felt nothing but sheer happiness for him. It wasn't the happiness that you send a email or facebook message and say congratulations, it was moreso the happiness where you smile and send them light and you wish them well from afar. I know he wasn't the person for me and I understand the purpose he SERVED in my life so words are no longer needed.

The process from uncertainty to clarity can be tumultuous but when you finally find clarity you can put things prespective. The love of your life in the 10th grade wasn't really the love of your life but just a guy you loved. The guy you once thought was your soulmate and who you wanted to marry wasn't really your soulmate, but rather a really good mate for your soul at the time. And the guy you once thought was the one...well he wasn't really THE one, but moreso the one who taught you the most and hurt you the worst so that when your ONE finally came you was ready.

The maturity and the clarity the lesson of love can bring especially a lost lost is priceless. There is always a valuable lesson to be learned from an EX so don't hate them, recognize the value they added and release your heart to find better because there IS better, and if you follow that recipe, you can move on without looking back.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Invest In YOU!

In a hectic world where the theme is multi task, when you have not one minute to spare and your blackberry becomes your personal assistant, oftentimes people get lost in their schedules. In this case the solution is easy, clear your plate of some of your activities and schedule more time for yourself. But what happens when the solution is not so easy? What happens when you lose yourself in your relationship and the sole purpose of your life is now consumed around your kids or your mate?

I have heard countless woman cry or express feeling of loneliness when they are in full fledged relationships some even married. The common story is usually that the woman feels neglected by her man and often finds herself waiting for him schedule her in for attention. This gripe is common with both married and single woman in serious relationships. While speaking to a close girlfriend of mine who is married with 4 kids, she confided in me that her husband barely spends any time with her. Between their kids extracurricular activities and their conflicting work schedules, she confessed that they barely see each other let alone spend quality time. "When we are finally home at the same time, he is either watching the sport or he is in the basement hanging with his boys" she said sadly. She is usually taking care of their 2yr old daughter lingering around the house waiting for some quality time.

When I asked her if she ever goes out with her girls or goes out period, she said no. She indicated that she feels guilty leaving her 2yr old daughter and her husband makes her feel guilty as well. I could only shake my head as she told me this because I found it ironic that her husband can chill and hang with his friends without feeling guilty but the minute his wife thinks to do it, she's wrong for even entertaining the thought. Aside from her favorite TV shows my girl has not one hobby. Not one thing that she does just for her outside of her responsibilities as a wife and mother.

Now I know I am by far no expert on relationships but I wonder, why do woman often give up so much of themselves to have a man when that same man manages to multi task and have it all. A woman will give up Friday nights with her girls, her routine workouts, her scheduled spa appointments, her book club, and her community service work she USE to do to just to sit in the house and wait for her man. Meanwhile, her man has his Saturday basketball games, his weekly 2 hours of leisure at the barber shop, his daily workouts at the gym, Thursday night football, Sunday night football, Monday night football and don't forget the days when he wants to hang with the boys PLUS the "time" he needs for himself.

Some woman may claim that by time they finish taking care of the kids or finish work they just want to unwind; But, while that may be fine for you, know that your mate might have a full to do list for the entire week which might not include watching Desperate Housewives reruns with you. Of course a man that loves and cares for you will spend time with you but typically most woman require a lot of attention and if they don't have other areas of interest or activities in their own lives their mate will bare the brunt of their neediness. So ladies I speak from past experience, no matter how tired you are, pop some multi vitamins and make time for yourself. Invest in yourself and make sure you have your own things going on. If you do not have any hobbies find some! Possible hobbies can be: reading, writing, working out, hosting get parties, arts and crafts, cooking, baking, sewing, mentoring, the lists goes on. Hobbies make people interesting, so find something you like and invest in you!!