I Thought It Was A Date

In a desperate attempt to save my social life I attended an after work business mixer the other day. I figured this would also be a good way to possibly find some new leads for work so I went expecting the best. While the attendees was not exactly what I had in mind the concept for the event was intriguing. Each person was given a name badge with a different arrangement of colors. Everyone was to find the table with the first color that corresponded to their badge and formulate a group. The group would then do basic introductions and answer questions amongst one another about their careers and life experiences. After about 15 minutes you would hear a bell ring and you would then move to a new table with a brand new group and start all over. It was a strategic way to get everyone talking and mingling. I personally enjoyed this approach because it prevented me from sliding into my introvert self. Instead, along with the 2 free glasses of Riesling the extrovert me came right out.

Needless to say, I had a good time and met some great people. While there was no immediate business opportunities I could identify, just being out and about really lifted my spirits. AS I made it my business to smile and chat with everyone I met a nice young gentleman name John. John was handsome and outgoing and had a air of confidence that was refreshing. As we chatted I couldn't tell if he was checking me out or just being social but I maintained my cool and went with the flow. Throughout the course of the night we bumped into each other and kept our conversation light.

Three days later I received a call from John asking me if I could meet him for coffee. His invitation caught me off guard and while I couldn't’t pinpoint exactly what his intentions were I decided to step out the box and meet him. I went over our brief conversation in my head several times trying to decipher if this was a date or a meeting. "Hi Lois, I met you at the event last week I was wondering if we could meet for coffee or lunch next week?" I concluded that he was more than likely interested and although he was not my immediate type, I was willing to at least meet him and hear him out.

We met at the Starbucks 5 minutes from my job on a Friday afternoon. I can't really say that I was nervous but I was curious to see what was going to happen. We both arrived separately and our initial hello was someone awkward. I gave him the once over and realized he had that corporate America look I always go for but I couldn't say I was really attracted to him. Its funny how you can meet an attractive person but just not be attracted to them. Nonetheless, after we ordered our coffee as we each put sugar and cream in our drinks I noticed he left hand was adorned with a wedding band. "WTF I mumbled under my breath" Remaining calm I decided to wait and see where this meet up was going before I fussed him out.

Our conversation stared out with general pleasantries, and then progressed to career progression. At that moment it clicked, our initial meeting, the invitation for coffee the mention of career goals, this was definitely NOT a date. Immediately I regretted his offer for coffee. I thought back to all the things I could have been doing back at the office instead of being there with him. I listened to his sales pitch about what he does and how awesome his job was, and although I told him exactly where I wanted to go in my career and how switching companies was NOT part of my plan he still continued. After 20 minutes my pride had endured all that it could. Here I was thinking I was going on a date, and not only was this not a date it was a waste of time. I politely ended our coffee meeting and I went back to work.

I could have been salty about my 20 minutes of sheer embarrassment for thinking I was going on a date, but instead I headed back to the office amused by the whole incident. Weeks later, I now do a better job at examining all coffee offers and John continues to call me to come work for his company.

North Carolina is a funny place.

Changes

When my life slows down and I find myself getting bored there are always (2) thoughts that come to mind to spice things up. (1) cutting my hair and(2) getting a new tattoo. The irony of these thoughts is that I will probably never cut my hair because of the size of my head and I will probably never get another tattoo because I feel I might be too old to do something like that again.

One of Rhianna's recent short cuts really stood out to me but I worry with the size of my tiny head and long my neck if I could pull it off. But I digress, while I can't do anything about my short hair urge I have managed to find a way to subliminally pacify my desire for a tattoo. It's called Henna!!

At a recent street fair I saw a booth that did henna and it looked absolutely beautiful. I watched (2) people get their designs done and I immediately knew what design I was going to get and where I was going to put it. For $15.00, I got the Chinese symbol for happiness on the forefront of my right foot. According to the instructions it should last for 2-3 weeks. The technique they used to draw the design on is rather interesting. Henna is initially applied as a paste that reminded me of fabric paint. Once the design is in place a gold glitter spray is then applied which makes the design look more like body paint then henna. The glitter paint some how or another sets the henna. The procedure took about 5 minutes or less and came out beautiful! The paste with the glitter is to set for 6-12 hours undisturbed, so it is always best to get henna done towards the end of the day.

I let my design sit overnight and when I woke up the next morning I gently pealed off the paste. Only a light reddish brown image of the Chinese symbol remained. Over the next 24-48 hours I watched the design darkened in color until it was brown. I can honestly say I am absolutely happy with my henna. The location of it and what it symbolizes just puts me in a very good place. It looks beautiful in stilettos but also in gladiator sandals. It screams attention in the most subtlest way and I love it. My boss even complimented me on it! I hope it lasts for the full 3 weeks and when fades I will just get it replaced.

Henna is an amazing substitute for tattoo's. It satisfies a urge that may only be temporary and it is painless and inexpensive. If you would like more information on henna you can go to http://www.hennapage.com/ As far as my short hair cut, I will continue to ponder that one.

The Unknown Truths About North Carolina

I have not written in months but I could not stay away any longer. This month officially makes it 4 months since I have been living in North Carolina. The word different does not properly define some of the changes I have been going through. Geographically, North Carolina is only 5 hours away from Maryland and 8 hours from New York, but I swear I feel like I am living in another world. Here are some of the differences I have noticed:

1. Chivalry is very much alive in the south! The men are quick to open car doors, help you with your bags, while being extremely courteous for no other reason than, that is how they was raised.

2. Everyone here is "nice". This is the one thing I continue to struggle with here. In the south the culture is that everyone is polite, everyone speaks and for the most part people carry themselves in a "politically correct" manner at all times. When you go to the supermarket and you are waiting in line people will speak. If you make eye contact with anyone anywhere the odds are they will smile and greet you with a warm hello. I struggle with this the most because while it is refreshing that everyone appears to be so kind and well mannered, Carolians are actually no different than rude New Yorkers, they just hide their rudeness better. They might not throw trash on the ground, or flip you the bird, but they will smile in your face and be cordial, when the truth is that they really hate your guts. The Brooklyn in me just wishes everyone would be real. In New York, there is a culture where people say and do what they want and they don't care how you feel, in North Carolina, people may not say what they want and they won't really care about your feelings, but they sure will do a good job in making you think they care.

3. The south is not for singles! Eight out of ten people are married in the state of North Carolina. While this may not be 100% factual it feels that way. The culture here is that you go to school, go to college, find a mate and get married. It is almost unlikely that you will see a person who has lived and grown up in North Carolina unmarried after the age of 23. The people who are unmarried are either relocators like myself or....just relocators, because everyone here really is married. As a female who is (patiently..ok sometimes impatiently) waiting their turn for marriage, this can be encouraging yet still somewhat discouraging at the same time.

4. Ladies, brace yourself for this one! A white woman is capable of taking our men in a heartbeat here. These woman do not have to be scandalous and sneaky, the do not have to be house wreckers or whores. These woman have the innate ability to steal our men right before our eyes because they are submissive, overly nurturing and they do not get attitudes!!! Our men for the most part want strong sisters who can hold them down without wanting to be nurtured like a toddler however, what our men don't want is that black woman attitude we typically have alot of. I have noticed in my four months of being here is that the white woman here will channel the attitude elsewhere with no problem and our black men are loving that. While this is also a challenging difference for me, but I will note there is something to be learned here.

5.Family means everything here. This may seem like a given but it goes hand with the marriage factor I mentioned earlier. Evenings and weekends are reserved as family time. Family here is not your group of single girlfriends you go out and party with on Saturday nights. Family is not your college friends or your roommate who feels like your sister/brother. In the State Of North Carolina family is the your blood and if you are not at work, the expected place for you to be is....with your family.

6. People drive crazy here. As like you I thought no one can hit the roads like a New Yorker can right? While I can bob and weave through traffic like nobodies business, my Constance nightmares from speeding tickets has forced me to become a more conscious driver. In Maryland the speed limit was typically 55 or 65mph, here, it is usually 70mph. This means on any given morning someone will swerve in front of me in frustration because I am doing 75 and everyone else is doing 80. Who drives 80mph on a daily basis to get work? I love my job but I'm not in that much of a rush to get there.

All and all I will say my experience here in North Carolina has been a good one. There are good days and bad days. Hopeful days and very discouraging days. But I must admit that this is where I feel I should be. I look forward to all the good that North Carolina has in store for me. It's a learning experience to be in a new environment but as I recognize these subtle differences whether good or bad, I appreciate the opportunities that come from change.

BKvixenGONEMDnowNC

Closet Case

The other day I read a very interesting article about a newly married wife who use to seek solace in her.....closet. Whenever her and her husband disagreed to the extent that it would lead to an argument she would disappear and go into her secret hiding place to regroup. While the main focus of the article was not about closets, the closet concept fully intrigued me because for anyone who knows me really well, they know I spend alot of time in my closet.

A closet can mean different things to different people. To me it is a place of solitude and a place of privacy. My closet has been my refuge for thunderstorms, for broken hearts, for first time conversations with new crushes, for girl talk, for desperate pleas to God, for meditation, for hope, for timeouts from company that just wouldn't get the hint and of course for clothing storage.

Decorated and organized as if it was a room itself I must say my closet can be a relaxing place for anyone. Its a place where fabulous shoes are stored, fancy purses are housed and clothes and unique accessories are hung. Softly lit, adorned with pictures, a chair and small trinkets, to put it simply,my closet is fashion heaven for me. There is peace there on every level.

It is a temple of peace not because of the clothes and the fancy things but because of the feeling of serenity that is there. To some this may all sound cliche because not only do I live by myself and shouldn't need to hide, but also because I am claustrophobic. Ironic as it is, its true, my closet is my hiding place, its where I am safe and where I pick myself up and rebuild my foundation.

This year I will not only invest in the clothes I put in my closet but I will continue to invest in my closet itself. A closet can never be too organized and it can never be too cozy.

What does your closet mean to you?

What To Wear

As I transition into my new job, I find myself constantly debating what to wear. The term business casual leaves much room for interpretation and it can be quite challenging trying to decipher which fashion styles are appropriate for work and which are not.

For the past decade business casual meant a shirt and slacks for men and a knee length skirt and blouse for woman. Minimal make up and accessories were preferred and the phrase less is best was the rule of thumb.

Somewhere during the Sex in the City era and the emergence of movies like The Devil Wears Prada, the fashion world has changed the defintion of professional work attire. Four inch stilleotoes are now paired with fitted pencil skirts. Knee length skirts are now replaced with form fitting dresses and high waisted palazzo pants. Accessories and make up is everything and while the business world has turned into a fashion competition for woman, beauty regimens like flawless make up, manicured nails and trendy hair styles have become the norm.

I wish I can say the new world order for fashion in the work place is appreciated and followed by everyone but unfortunatly it is not. Quite oftenly, I find my peers examining my outfits from head to toe trying to decipher if skinny dress pants, designer purses and booties are appropriate. While I make it my business to never wear revealing clothing or do an overkill on make up, I find myself making a statement in the things I wear.

During the first two weeks of my new position in attempts to "fit in" I resorted back to the old way of professionalism. Not only was I bored to death with how I looked I also felt like I wasnted being true to who I was.

As time has gone by, I am happy to say that I have found a happy medium between the overly conservative world and the fashionable Devil Wears Prada world. I now wear clothes that are not only professional but clothes that reflect my personal contribution to fashion. Indifferent to peoples scrutinizing my outifits thinking my stilletoes are too high or my pencil skirt is inapproprite, I now wear clothing which represents not only my true fashion sense but clothes that show that while I am a fasionista I am 100% business and I'm not taking any mess!

The pictures below show a few different looks that work for the office.

What do you wear to work?

I can't say I am sad to see you go because I am glad to see you leave. I welcome the new memories and the new blessings that are to come and I kiss goodbye the tears and moments of sadness life brought me throughout 2010. Its lifes hardest lessons that make you stronger. Its the tears that come from deep within that teach you to stop making the same mistakes. Its those moments of self reflection that you have when you can't sleep at night that gives you instruction on what you need to do and why you can't be afraid to step out and just do it.

There are those moments in life right before change comes when you have the choice to stick with what you know or take a leap of faith. Those moments in which you are scared and afraid of the decision at hand. For me, 2011 is all about what is behind the mystery door. I am leaving my fears behind and I am ready to step away from what I know to venture out to the unknown. Sometimes playing it safe is the right thing to do, but other times it can hold you back from your dreams and all that you aspire to be. Saying goodbye to 2010 means saying goodbye to my fears, my weaknesses, and my mistakes. Saying goodbye to 2010 means coming into my true self, embracing who I am and all I want in life, by reaching my fullest potential and becoming the person I always wanted to be....Me.

Goodbye 2010 I'm not sad to see you go, I'm actually glad to watch you leave.

What does saying goodbye to 2010 mean to you?

Final Days Where Do You Stand?

The other day I was reading a very informative article about goal setting. While goals should be set all year around it seems as though New Years is the most popular time of year for people to set goals. Some of these reformations and proclaimations to abandon bad habits or set new routines are lost in translation and are never acted upon or completed. Other goals are specific, measurable, attainable, relistic and timely and therefore become goals that are actually accomplished.

The article mainly discussed prioritizing what you really want out of life and deciding on what you are willing to do to make it happen. The (3) questions that left me pondering were:

1. What bad habbits are you willing to let go?
2. What "shoulds" are you willing to make into MUSTS?
3. Are you courageous enough to let go and leave room for the the marvelous unknown to fill the void?

In the last (2) remaining days of the year I will come up with the answers to these questions and really set clear consise measurable goals. I accomplished alot this year but I know I could have accomplised even more. The main thing to keep in mind as we go into the new year is "the quality of your future depends on the actions you take now."

What actions will you take?